Already broken

There were tanks
On my street
When I was eight
Big, T-72 beasts
I thought, they were great
But they came from the East

And the sound
of helicopters
Over skating ring
Marches of military band
On the radio

But we would sing
"Grant us please,
Free Homeland”
“Boże, Mario”
"Please”

You will never feel the
Pride
Which comes with such song
Until your country will ask you
To sing
With those who died
And who lived
along.

And you won’t know
How much of a chum
Is a stone in your hand
When you’re about to throw
It - at the scum
Who enslaved Your Land

And then out of the blue
We got our freedom
The Land was freed
Before I really grew
Before my martyrdom

And they came with greed
And focus on dollars
Cause The West had plenty
False prophets on offer
Learned scholars
Who were sent
To fill someone’s coffer

By buying our souls
And we sold them with joy
For beads or singing bowls,
Tickets to a posh club
And me - young boy
Really "a lad"
I couldn’t know the cost
Of a pledge
Signed with own blood
To infernal host
To go on his ledger.

And the rest
The rest is silence
And silent should remain
Untlil I am ready
To attest
for the stain
of fall and violence
I did to my brain

It’s already been
19 years of
My purgatory exile
I already have seen
All my wrongs
And sinful desires

I’ve done Herculean Labours
Nobody else wants
More than 12
more humbling
Than cleaning Augean stables

Made me swear
And mumbling
Curses under my breath
on those who benefited
my slavery
Wishing them sudden death

But finally admitted
My own treachery
My own role
In getting into that position
So now I am on a parole
From this war of attrition
Against myself

They say in my land
If you bereft
That you’ll be made
Stronger
From what hasn’t got you killed
But if you're to stand
It much longer
A decade
Of constantly re-build
"stooped with broken tools”

Then you are not a winner
You’re an idiot
Playing a game for fools
Treated as a beginner
By the clever lot

There's only tiny bit
of hope
In your plot
And this give me my wit
and a loaded gun
of wisdom unspoken
It helps to cope
Cause you can't break someone
Already broken.

Inspired by Karlienel’s song “Already broken” https://youtu.be/zxzfNfoJUK4?si=YYheamBydk187IJy