Touch

“Can you use these tears to put out the fires in my soul?
‘Cause I need you here,

‘Cause I’ve been shaking
I’ve been bending backwards ’til I’m broke
Watching all these dreams go up in smoke

Let beauty come out of ashes
Let beauty come out of ashes
And when I pray to God all I ask is
Can beauty come out of ashes?”

Ashes – Song by Celine Dion – here in a somebody else interpretation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77dcpEoA6q4

My father
Hit me
Hard
I was 
Two
Too young
To remember
You say
But I remember
And he hardly
Touched me
Ever since
I remember
And I missed
His touch
All the time
Ever since
And always
Will

I remember
Watching another father
Hitting his daughter 
Hard
She was small
She flew down the corridor
Like unwanted doll
Both still
Close to my heart
Their hearts closed
Both still distanced
Now
Ever since
Though the years
Go by

I remember my mother
Pinning me down
To my bed
When I
Obliterated 
My central 
Nervous 
System
With any chemical
I could get hold on
I was big
She was small
But she kept me
Down
And took control
When I lost it
The effort 
And pain
Nearly 
Killed her 
Heart

I learned
How to touch
Hard
To calm down
Broken youngsters
Pin them down
To the floor
When they needed
Somebody
To take control
When the fear
Took control
Over them
I can do that
Professionally
Legally
Spectacularly
Without any 
Emotional attachment
Done that 
Thousand of times
With a cold
And relaxed
Heart

But I need
To learn
A different 
Touch

I’m done 
With words
Can talk
Myself out
Of any misadventure
I’d create
Done that 
Thousand of times
With a wicked smile
On my face
And an empty heart

But I still shake
When I have to touch
Somebody
I love
And I need 
The touch
Need somebody
Who will let me
Touch …
The way
Normal people do
Touching
The body
And more deeply
The heart
And  would not 
Be afraid to touch
Mine