„God grant that…
When she looks
Into my eyes
She will see
Love
But not desperation
See that I miss
Her
But it’s not obsession
That I accept
We have to be apart
But I don’t give up
Please Lord …”
My own prayer … this morning
I expected
That cross
Be covered
With soft velvet
Or plush
And made of
Soft foam
So I should not
Be bothered
By it’s rough edges
And inconvenienced
By the throbbing
Of my skin
And muscles
And my mind
I thought that
Crucifictions
By Love
By Law
Should be sort of
Perversely
Pleasurable
But they weren’t
They never were
Anywhere
And with anybody
This one is no different
Excruciating pain
Lasting as if forever
Disturbing the thinking
Disorganising life
Dissolving any
Self – will
And the most annoying
Of all feelings
Realisation
That I brought it
Upon myself
On my own choice
Exercising my own
Free – will
So I will
Suffer until it
“grind me
Or polish me”
Until I have enough
Or maybe
She will …
She already has
But I am not done yet
Or comes
A merciful soldier
And breaks my legs
And stabs my heart
With a spear of anger
Yes,
Anger and hatred
Are the only antidotes
For unwanted
Love
“Eli lama sabachathani”
Again